I love weddings! This is not a secret: I tend to mention it (a lot!) whenever the topic of weddings is brought up. That having been said, it should be noted that I never, ever want to have another wedding. Being married is wonderful; getting married is horrible.
This is reason enough to enjoy a wedding (one’s own notwithstanding): I deeply enjoy the extraordinary efforts that go into producing a wedding, no matter how small or large. I enjoy seeing how the alchemical results from the agonizing contradictions inherent in weddings – the stress, the angst, the torment of making decisions on details that, in most other situations, have negligible importance; but, in the context of a wedding, the importance of those details is magnified a hundredfold – all of this suffering to produce what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of a couples life. What comes out of this strange crucible is what makes a marriage, and getting to participate in the ceremony that launches that marriage – after all the suffering and planning is done – is one of the great joys of my life.
So, I collect weddings in my memory like little mental candies of happiness that I pull up for myself every once in a while. Someday I might write a little something about those memories and all of my favourite weddings over the years. But not today. Today, I want to talk about one specific wedding.
Last week my daughter and my (now) son-in-law got married. It was, even adjusting for my bias as father of the bride, one of the most beautiful and wonderful weddings I’ve been to. Easily in my top three! With over 600 phots of the three day event (not including the “official” photos, which I have not seen yet) it was an event well and truly celebrated!
Setting aside, for a moment, the months of planning and preparing by Kathleen and Matthew, the Wedding Events got underway on Thursday with the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal included entrances, exits, transitions, and tears! It’s weird to think of a rehearsal as something to get emotional over, but the feelings were undeniably big! Pastor Grant walked us through the whole thing with charm and enthusiasm, keeping it all light and moving along at a brisk pace. By the time we were done, everyone was feeling comfortable and ready for the big show.
Then came the rehearsal dinner. So many more people and so many more feelings! If you’ve read the previous blog posts you are aware that the past couple of months have been unexpectedly challenging. As a family, we were in need of a good celebratory party, and the rehearsal dinner was a perfect overture to the main event.
Family and friends from both sides had been showing up for the past few days, and more arrived that evening to join us all at the dinner, with only a few unfortunate exceptions. Kathleen’s grandmother (Carol Anne’s mother) needed to spend some time in the hospital. So, Carol Anne’s sister and brother also spent time at the hospital.
Back at the rehearsal dinner, food and conversation were flowing with new friends and family arriving through the evening. The crowning moment for me came when my two oldest children and their partners arrived. That marked the first time I was in a room with all four of my children in 19 years. I experienced so much joy in that moment it was hard to process. Fortunately, I had a couple more days of the same to process and properly appreciate this juxtaposed event. In the spirit of full disclosure, I am still processing the entirety of the emotional and psychological impact this has had on me; stay tuned for a separate post on that!
Fast forward to the next morning – the morning of the big show!
Wedding day!
Yowza!
If you have had a child of your own get married you can let me know if any of this sounds familiar: For me, the Wedding Day Feelings were many , diverse, and omnipresent ,with each one getting at least one solo in the extended, improvised jam session. Joy, yes, and sadness, of course. Let’s not forget a whelming level of pride. There was, for me, also a strange sense of relief: relief that the day was finally here; relief that I was going to be able to manage migraine symptoms; relief that my wife and I were doing this together; relief that this marriage was good.
You know that good feeling? That feeling that, however it actually plays out, whatever it is, it will be good. That feeling persisted all day and into the night. Our whole extended, chosen family was around and present and enthusiastically helping out to make sure we all arrived at the church on time, well dressed, well fed, and in the moment.
The morning started off with the our youngest’s partner Zamira making breakfast for the whole household and bride’s side wedding party. What a spread! Throughout the morning, while people woke up and showed up, Zamira made sure everyone was well fed and well hydrated, and she still got herself ready on time, chauffeured people to the church, AND she still went on to sing during the ceremony. So much amazing work and support from her. (Hey Tropicana – maybe send some money her way and get her to promote your product?)
Our close friend Lorri came over before she was even awake to do hair for the Bride and Bridesmaid (Martin) and then dashed away to get herself ready for the ceremony. Diane and Jim arranged for our rides. Anika was at the ready to help with all the clothes. Drin took charge of Kathleen’s phone and documented our morning. I learned what a circle selfie is.
Meanwhile, over at the groom’s morning, there appeared to be much laughter and merriment (I wasn’t there. I’m just making guesses on the photos I’ve seen.)
Pastor Grant officiated a wonderful, moving, and heartfelt ceremony that clearly reflected the couple. Each moment seemed to carry a little bit of magic, and all those bits of magic cast the spell that carried Kathleen and Matthew through the transition from two separate people into a single partnership embodied in two people. I cried, a lot. My wife cried. The Bride and Groom cried. (I’m pretty sure both of Matthew’s parents cried, but I wasn’t looking at them, so I can’t say for sure.) It was amazing. It was wonderful. It was beautiful. I don’t want to take you through a moment-to-moment description because it won’t do it justice. There is a recording of the ceremony and, if I am able, I’ll link it here for you to enjoy if you want. I recommend it. It is very moving.
I’d like to take a moment, as we move from the church to the reception, to mention our family friend Julianna Tomaselli. Julianna’s involvement in the execution of this wedding was instrumental – not only for all the help and advice she provided, but also for the confidence and calmness she brought to the planning and preparation. When Carol Anne was in the hospital and Kathleen realized she needed to change strategies to get everything done, Jullianna was there to help them out.
I also want to stop and mention the amazing mother-of-the-groom, Julia. Julia was the other person my daughter turned to and received immense support from while her parents were otherwise distracted. Kathleen expressed much appreciation for her relationship with her (now) mother-in-law. Besides being thrilled that my daughter has married into such a warm and welcoming family, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for well Julia and Kathleen fit into each other’s lives. Julia’s participation in the execution of this wedding cannot be overstated. I won’t get into an exhaustive list, but notice all the flower arrangements in the photos? Julia grew and arranged those.
Which brings us to the reception! Wowwee Zowwee! What a good reception! First off, take a look at these table centers:
The flowers, as I mentioned are by Julia. The rest – the log cutouts, the number plates, the vases, all of that – was designed and made by Kathleen for every table. This is the kind of effort, energy, and attention to detail that permeated the entire 3-day wedding event.
The event was held at the Esquimalt Gorge Park & Pavilion. What a beautiful venue! Overlooking the Gorge with floor-to-ceiling windows, it was the perfect backdrop for a great few hours of food and conversation and celebration of the newlyweds. Again, Julianna’s touch was on display in the setup and flow of the event. The tables were all fun and interesting groups. It was heartening to see that the communal energy shared by Dawsons and Sargents at the rehearsal dinner was not a fluke! The mix of families and friends was a lot of fun. Connecting with our new extended family and friends while reconnecting with family and friends we hadn’t seen in a while all lent itself to a jovial and celebratory feeling that carried itself right through the official photos and into the sanctioned after-party that we held at our house.
There were, of course the regular speeches that are given at this sort of event. I’ve included links to the recordings of those speeches as they were all lovely (even mine!) and I think they reflect both the spirit of the wedding and the depth of emotion that the wedding invoked in the community. The quality is what you might expect from phone recordings, but they are worth it!
Recording 1 – Father of Bride
Recording 2 – Father (and Mother) of the Groom
Recording 3 – Maid of Honour
Recording 4 – Best Man
The after-party was a loose and casual affair that Carol Anne and I decided we want to host for anyone who wasn’t quite done celebrating. We took a short break between the reception and the party for people to change and nap if they chose. We had no real plans beyond having drinks and food and chairs, and it turns out that was all anyone wanted. With chairs set up on the lawn in the late afternoon and evening, people from both bride’s and groom’s side gathered to chat and share time. We talked, we laughed, we all got to spend a little more time with each other while the bride and groom got to spend time with just each other. The evening ended in a slow fade as everyone took their own time to call it a night. It was all an easy slow fade knowing that we would see almost everyone again the next morning at brunch.
Saturday morning dawned sunny and hot – the perfect weather for an outdoor send-off brunch! Many of the previous days’ and nights’ events were again in attendance. Saturday morning also saw the return of the grandmother of bride! My mother-in-law returned from the Saanich Peninsula hospital in time to enjoy some of the bruch and company. People came and went, ate heartily, and generally were able to enjoy time with the newlyweds and each other without any time pressure while gifts were opened and appreciated by Kathleen and Matthew.
As the morning became the afternoon, the guests all chose their own time to make their exits. The numbers slowly dwindled, but the conversations and visiting continued until we were left with just ourselves and immediate family. With planes and ferries to catch, our world cross-faded from wedding back into the rest of our regular lives.
So, what with one thing and another, here we are! Our house is much quieter. After a week of guests and visiting, the absence of crowds, along with the departure of Kathleen, has left our house feeling very empty. We are left with a few leftover belongings and a couple of cats to be collected after the honeymoon. Otherwise, we are adjusting to the new normal of having a child firmly launched into a life independent of us.
The next few months promise to be busy and interesting in their own right, starting with the acquisition of two new kittens! But that is all for future posts.
For now, I am reflecting on all the changes that this wedding marked for me personally and for our family as a whole. I expect that many of these reflections will come out in some of those future posts, but for now, I leave you with this:
Regardless of the statistics or the pessimism or the cultural criticism that tells us that getting married is an outdated institution, I still believe deeply in marriage and the magical transformative power that a marriage has on its members. I have experienced this myself with my wife and our marriage. I believe I am seeing it in Kathleen and Matthew. And I am so excited to see what other magic their marriage will produce, not only for themselves, but for all of us in their extended family and community.
A quick postscript! Below are the links for the local businesses that were used. I have received no compensation for promoting these businesses; I just think local businesses are important.
[…] As I was feeling better than I had in a very long time, we chose to celebrate that and threw ourselves into Kathleen and Matthew’s wedding- for more details on the wedding see Morgan’s post – Easily in my top three weddings. […]