Look, I have been very optimistic, and continue to be so throughout my entire journey, however it’s freaking November so cut me some slack! 

Well, it’s November. I have always disliked November. In every place I’ve lived in Canada, November has been an unattractive month. The leaves are mostly down, the sky is grey, and the days are short and getting shorter. You can’t start preparing for Christmas until Advent begins, so in the meantime, life feels grey and dark, and the promise of light seems far away. As someone who deals with SAD, November feels like a journey into the abyss, with February, with its longer days and promise of spring, being a much better place to be. 

This year, November 1st has dawned as grey and dismal as I have ever seen it. It is wet, grey, dark, and miserable, and it is still dark at 8:30 a.m. <Deep sigh.> Every year, November 1st is an exercise in counting days and buoying myself up with gratitude and moments of celebration throughout the month. These areas of celebration are threefold – birthdays, convocation, and Grey Cup football. 

Birthdays – My birthday falls one week into November. This year, I will be turning 56, undergoing chemotherapy, and for the first time ever, I have no parents to tell me my birth story. The day after my birthday would have been my mother’s 85th. This year, for the first time in 56 years, we are not celebrating together. For the past few years (since her 80th and a couple before), I have made the effort to travel to Toronto for our birthdays and get my sister to host a birthday party for us. I am glad that I did this. I am also feeling a bit relieved that not spending our birthday together this year is not because of my treatment, but rather because she is in a better place. My family here in Victoria is happy to have me here this year. No big plans yet, but a low-key celebration is in order. 

Convocation – Every year, UVic holds its fall convocation in November alongside the winter reading break. I always volunteer because it is such a great time of celebration in the dark season. As an administrator, seeing the happy faces of family and students as they celebrate this accomplishment reminds me why I do what I do. Of course, this year, I am not doing what I do. Instead, I am focusing entirely on being well and getting through chemotherapy for a brain tumour. Given where the cycles fall, I cannot safely volunteer at convocation this year, and that is a bit of a bummer! 

The Grey Cup – I know, I know, how old must you be to follow Canadian football! But yes, I am that old, and the Grey Cup is just a tradition I was raised with. With all other traditions falling flat this year, I am planning to make the Grey Cup matter! What is more, the Grey Cup is in Vancouver this year. In a different health environment, I would try to get tickets! I remember when I was a student in Ottawa in 1988 (I know, before many of you were born). The city absolutely came alive and celebrated. It does not matter whether the home team makes it (that year was BC/Winnipeg), a party is held! Bars were open on both sides of the river until 3 a.m. I was a student and couldn’t afford tickets, but one day, it is my dream to get to a Grey Cup game! 

Despite the gloominess of November and the challenges it brings, I’m determined to focus on what I can control and manage my PCV chemotherapy in the best way possible. PCV chemotherapy, which stands for Procarbazine, CCNU (Lomustine), and Vincristine, is a rigorous regimen, but I am finding ways to cope and maintain my spirit. 

Firstly, I’ve built a strong support system around me.  

Family – Morgan, my husband and life source is unfailingly present.  He is generally cooking for me, shopping and entering into my distractions – solar power, new bed, jigsaw puzzles, etc.  He is awake when I vomit at night, and he listens to my TMI.  I could not be luckier! Martin is solicitous and we are spending more time together than we have had the opportunity to spend together in several years.  Kathleen and I talk most days as she is walking home from school and that is fantastic to be able to catch up on her day and distract from mine. 

Friends and roommates – Andrew and Anika are around each day, keeping me and Morgan from getting too deeply into ourselves.  Martin and Zamira add to the company keeping me from getting bored. 

Kittens – OMG.  These two little creatures are a going concern!  Between moments of tearing the house apart in rapid games of chase – and sleeping hard to support their growth, Casey is known to crawl under the covers with me, or to sit on my chest (at the neck) to purr when I am up in the middle of the night. 

I am doing my best to incorporate some light exercise into my day, but I think I need to be a bit more demanding of myself on that front.  And still, when the side effects of chemotherapy hit hard, I allow myself the grace to rest and recover without guilt. I know I can get through this and I am focussing on the future as much as the present to make it happen.  

The occasional pity party is allowed; just don’t overstay your welcome! 

Lastly, I’ve found that staying mentally active and engaged is crucial. Whether it’s through listening to music, or a podcast, working on a puzzle, or writing in my journal, these activities keep my mind sharp and in shape. 

Although November is a challenging month and PCV chemotherapy a demanding treatment, I’m committed to facing each day with resilience, gratitude, and hope. It’s not an easy road, but with the support of my loved ones, a balanced lifestyle, and a positive outlook, I’m finding ways to navigate through the darkness and focus on the light ahead.